How to Mitigate Conflict During a Contested Divorce

It's not always possible for couples to pursue an uncontested divorce. Even if you know you're headed for the courtroom and intend to litigate the dissolution of your marriage, you may still want to mitigate conflict in an effort to make the divorce more streamlined and cost-effective.

Today, we're covering some reasons you may want to reduce the conflict in your contested divorce and some tips and tricks for how to do so.

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Try and Understand What They Want

One of the biggest mistakes many people make during contested divorces is falling into an "eye for an eye" mentality concerning the divorce process. Once this happens, parties often become more concerned with getting back at the other person or trying to make them suffer, than obtaining a divorce arrangement that's good for their future.

Something that can help you avoid this predicament is viewing the divorce process in terms of what your soon-to-be-ex wants. As your spouse, you probably have a pretty good idea of what they value in your marriage.

Once you know what they want, you can try and encourage compromise by offering them things they consider valuable - in exchange for what you want, of course.

Being open and honest about what you want from the divorce can help clear the air and encourage collaboration, even if you disagree on various aspects of the divorce process.

Set Reasonable Boundaries & Adhere to Them

If you want your divorce to go smoothly, one of the best things you can do is set defined boundaries you refuse to cross. These can be as simple as "I won't settle for less than a 50/50 property division split," or a more complex/emotional boundary such as "I won't maintain contact with my spouse or date while the divorce is ongoing."

If you're not sure what kind of boundaries you should set, talk about it with your attorney (and a counselor or therapist, if possible). Professions who have experience navigating divorces can work with you to develop solid boundaries that won't jeopardize your chances of obtaining a good outcome in your divorce, but can help you stay safe.

Don't Stoop to Their Level

If you're involved in a contested divorce, there's a good chance that your spouse has made it effectively impossible to compromise with them and may be acting petty or combative during the divorce.

If possible, don't stoop to their level. Maintaining a level head will help you pursue an equitable resolution in your divorce and enhance your chances of getting what you want from the court.

Additionally, courts often favor divorcees who keep their composure throughout the divorce process and show themselves as willing to work with their spouse and the court to obtain the best outcome. Refusing to stoop to your spouse's level can help you get an outcome that's better for your short and long-term future.